Confession time: Last week was really hard. We went back to work after taking a week off and Chelsea (the other intern who works in my room at the orphanage) and I had a rough go in the beginning of last week. Nothing in particular happened to make it hard. Our kids were particularly whiny but it was so good to see them. I missed them all week. I think it was hard because we felt like our kids lost some of the progress they've made during the two months we have been here. It was hard to see some of our kids slip into old habits when we were only gone a week. I felt like we had to reform bonds with some of our kids. That's hard to take after spending everyday with them for two months. I worry about the months between the time we leave and the time the new group comes. Sorry, I don't mean to depress anyone but I am just telling y'all the truth.
The week got much better though. It was still hard but things got better towards the end of the week. The kids in my room are about the cutest little things on the planet. They make me smile everyday even when they are hitting me or pulling my hair...well maybe not in those particular moments. I have a little boy in my room that I absolutely adore. He is my little mini-me and he loves to follow me around. I wish I could bring him home. I make him work on pronouncing words while we play. He loves to show off the words he knows now. We will be swinging and then he is like "Selsey, maşină." Then he just smiles and wait for me to say Bravo. These little moments, however, make the heat, not having ice cubes, not understanding the language, and not having Reese's worth it.
The hospital was hard this week too. I am in love with this little baby boy there. He is about seven months old and is probably the cutest little boy I have ever seen with his four front teeth. I just pick him up and he just melts into me. I could just sit there holding him forever. But there is another little boy that pretty much broke my heart on Friday. He is brand new and just had surgery on his back. He also has hydrocephalus. We walked into the room and he was screaming because he was in so much pain. We weren't allowed to pick him up but we had no idea how to comfort him. We tried everything without being able to pick him up. He just kept crying. I almost started crying myself. That little boy was in extreme pain but unlike most other kids, he was in a room with another little orphan girl with no one else. They have no one to sit there and rub their backs. They have no one to sing to them. They have no one to love them. I struggled that day. I just don't understand why these little babies have no one on this earth who loves them. I just have to take comfort that God loves them, that Christ knows how they feel, and that angels of God are surrounding them.
I go home in just three weeks. Can y'all believe that. This is where I take a ride on an emotional roller coaster. I am super excited to come home. I can't wait to take that escalator at the Atlanta Airport up to my waiting parents. I can't wait to sit in my air conditioned house. I can't wait to eat a hamburger. I can't wait to go to Utah three days later to see my siblings and more importantly my nieces and nephews. Yes, I can't wait for all of these things, but what about these kids! I can't leave them. They need me!! I can't even think about saying goodbye to them. They need people to love them. I start feeling guilty about going home to my loving family, my nice home, and my American life. How can I have so much and they so little. This is something I have struggled with. I just know that one day it will all work out. It's just hard to deal with the now. I can't wait to see everyone but I am sad to leave. La revedere!
Sad stories. You brought me to tears. All you can do for that little boy is to pray for him. Ask Heavenly Father To ease his pain. It really opens your eyes and makes you grateful for what you have. Remember your niece and nephews in North Carolina.
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